Microsoft versus GM

|Microsoft vs. GMAt a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.” Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, […]

AOL addiction poem

|My computer broke down. It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy…And keep it off my mind. It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc. The cashier in electronics was staring at me.But I […]

100 Buckets of Bits

|100 Buckets of Bits100 buckets of bits on the bus 100 buckets of bits Take one down, short it to ground FF buckets of bits on the bus FF buckets of bits on the bus FF buckets of bits Take one down, short it to ground FE buckets of bits on the bus ….

The power of shifting

|Unleash the Power of Shift!Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?A: Nope, they’re the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean “up”, as in “look up at the screen”. Your keyboard is […]

Definition of Windows

|Webster’s Dictionary definition of Windows 95Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.

Top nine reasons computers must be female

|Picky, picky, picky. They hear what you say, but not what you mean. Beauty is only shell deep. When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed. Always turning simple statements into big productions. Smalltalk is important. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong. They […]

Gender and computers

|Top nine reasons computers must be male:They have a lot of data but are still clueless. A better model is always just around the corner. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. It is always necessary to have a backup. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. The […]

User song and music

|User(To the tune of Beck’s “Loser”)In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkieJolt in my brains and body feeling chunkyWith the plastic mouse balls spray paint the CommodoreSystem install with the hard drive on the floorKill the process and put it in /dev/nullEmail flaming with the user hitting D-controlShell’s called Reno and it’s […]

Surfing the Internet

|Surfin’ the NetSo I think I’m in the clearthe boss is no where in sightI logon to the web and start to surfand then my hair stands up with frightthe footsteps coming down the hallare quickening in pacethere is no time to exitno way to save my faceso I press the power buttonand relax just […]

The computer prayer

|Our Morning Prayer . . .Our Hard Drive Which art internal Volume C by name; Thy code be clean, Thy fonts be seen On screen as they are on paper. Give us this day our documents, And lead us not into fragmentation But deliver us our data. For thine is the SCSI, And the EISA, […]