Your New Year Resolution

|Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish! Enjoy! :-)10. Read less. 9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 8. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 7. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing […]

Office Worker Resolution

|RESOLUTION #1: 1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year. 2000: I will read at least 10 books a year. 2001: I will read 5 books a year. 2002: I will finish The Pelican Brief 2003: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year. 2004: I will read at least […]

Cookie the Cat’s Resolutions

|5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in ? and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I?m in a bad mood) 2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)and […]

New Year Resolutions for Pets

|15. I will not eat other animals’ poop. 14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of […]

New Year Nerd Resolutions

|NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’TBE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU’RE A NERD 16. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more […]

Thanksgiving dinner prepared by kids

|A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.Ivette – Banana PieYou buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.Russell – TurkeyYou cut the turkey up and put it in […]

The football-playing turkey

|The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. […]

The blonde Thanksgiving dinner

|It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.”Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” […]