Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’tprepared for the answer:In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called hisfirst witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. Heapproached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” Sheresponded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known […]
Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she’s prejudice. “I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin.” “Sit down,” says the judge. “That’s the prosecuting attorney.”
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?The bucket.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.
Why don’t you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw […]
The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking:Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) ageneral lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but notlimited to, a mouse.A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixedby and around […]
What do you call an honest lawyer?An oxymoron.
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?Perfect setup for skeet shooting.
A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”