A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: “That’s his problem.”
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. “Doctor, you must help me,” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.” “I see,” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want […]
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your […]
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: “Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you — everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world.”
Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature.
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!
Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I’m going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear. Amazing ! so you have. How could that have happened ? I can’t understand it either, because I planted cabbage !
A woman entered a psychiatrist’s consulting room leadind a kangaroo.”I’m worried about my husband, doctor, ” she said. “He keeps thinking he’s a kangaroo! “
Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?
Patient: Why did you charge me a group rate? Psychiatrist: You’ve got multiple personalities.