An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.” Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.” Patient: “OH NO! That’s awefull! In […]
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. “It’s windy,” said one. “No, it’s Thursday,” said the next. “So am I,” said the third. “Let’s go and have a drink!”
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, “I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get […]
Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking […]
Are you getting older and wiser? No, he’s getting older and wider!
How can you tell that you’re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?” “I can’t tell. There are too many wrinkles.”