A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got […]
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries. “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her *husband*!”
With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the […]
Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o’clock.” She said, “But Father, I’m no longer a child!” He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.”
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movies, popcorn […]
Father: ” I know the answer to your bad grades. You’re spending too much time watching television.” Son: ” I’m sorry, you’ll have to phrase that in the form of a question.”
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.. Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.
Girl: Mom, mom a monster’s just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I’ve just washed the floor.
What do you call a small parent? A minimum !